How To Speak American


30130563.c89b7054.240This week, we catch up on listener mail from Jeff, Beth, Jochen, John K and my dad; we learn everything from how foreigners decide which “English” they want to speak, to why British soldiers are called “Tommies.” Then, Cocker takes the quiz, and tries to figure out what “kickball,” “Jim Crow” and a “back forty” might be, while Johnson ponders “de-bagging,” “bluebottle” and (with horrible below-the-waist results) — “sling your hook.”.

Soda Sommeliers!


TizerThis week, I make Johnson try various British sodas, and along the way we learn about e-numbers, tidy man and dwarf suicide. Then, we compare Captain Birdseye and the Gorton’s Fisherman to see who’s better at selling fish and shagging mums. Then we open some listener mail from Raphael, Carol, Lindsay, Gary and Jeff – most of whom nag me about posting shows more often. Tch!

Links: the tizer ad, the two Irn-Bru ads here and here, the two Bird’s Eye fish finger ads here and here, the two Gorton’s ads here and here, the Milton Keynes Pancake Day article, and the Dump Meals photo. Phew!

Quarterly Losses


SurrenderQuarterThis week, we talk about the outrageous British Surrender Quarter, then make some startling discoveries about Teddy Bears. Then, I have a hankering for some Banoffee Pie, and we get listener comments about bumfluff and gyros. Finally, I educate Johnson on the firemen of Trumpton, along with Top Cat and Phil Silvers. Some links to things discussed: the Danny Baker Show, Lenny Henry’s condensed milk sandwich, and Mssrs Pugh, Pugh, McGrew etc. of Trumpton.

The People vs Open-Faced Sandwich


SandwichMugshotThis week, we discuss the lie that is the open-faced sandwich, and hear about its scandalous legal troubles. Then, we imagine having entire theme parks named after us, and hear about familiar products that have different names elsewhere.

Some links to things we talk about: the Panera v Qdoba case, the British Oil of Ulay (yes, Ulay) commercial, the Night Nurse and Nyquil commercials, the Operation ads from both U.S. and U.K., and the great Marathon / Snickers re-brand.

Dandelion & Burdock


DandBA packed show this week! Firstly, we have a guest called Patti, so I explain why I have trouble saying her name. Then I show off my “black man’s pinch,” which gets us into the wacky world of soft drinks. Then I prove that America was, in fact, named after an Englishman, which leads us to play a round of “Panama Canal – The Price Is Right.” Then we discuss dustmen, dustcarts, dustbins and in short, all things dust. Then Jochen writes in about Tommies and Jerries, and finally we moan about Domnhall Gleeson being in bloody everything these days. Enjoy! Oh: The baby Bee-Gees singing about dustmen are here.

Future Sex Math


FutureSexMathPosterThis week, an extremely late but packed episode! First we hear about some recent problems I had with my caulk (ooer), and then listeners John Killey, Randy, Ed and Raphael get in touch about everything from Babycham to the Queen, via my mum’s sexy voice. Then Lily takes the quiz and tries to guess what “rumspringa” is, while Johnson has a go at “bum fluff” – all followed by the most gripping game of rock-paper-scissors ever recorded. Happy birthday, Lil!

Some links mentioned: the SNL caulk sketch, and our own minced oath episode from yonks ago.

Knee Cymbals!


KneeCymbalsIn our quickie holiday post-mortem show, we discuss the American habit of putting family portraits on their christmas cards; then Johnson goes below the waist with something called a Yankee Swap. Then we talk about the phenom that is the One-Man Band, and learn how to rig a jury. Some links: an OMB google image search, and videos of the three that we listen to here, here, and the Japanese bloke is here.

Have A Meowy Catmas


LilRyanXmasIt’s Christmas, which means it’s time for Johnson and I to pull crackers again (with predictable results.) Then we chat about something Americans don’t have (“specterly locomotives”) and dig into some listener mail from Raphael, Ed Lee, John Killey and Mollie Bowling. Then, at long last, Jon takes the quiz and tries to figure out what “Old Glory” is, while Johnson samples “Babycham.” See you next year, everyone!

Links: Mollie’s Isle of Man Internment Camp page, and the Babycham commercial.

I See London, I See France


YFrontsA short and embarrassingly late episode (there’s another one coming right behind it though) in which we discuss the difference (if any) between icing and frosting – and likewise britches and breeches. Then we dip into the Ed Files to hear a report about the origins of the Australian accent, and talk more about the mysterious Isle of Man, and what happened if you crashed your plane in Ireland during WWII. Links: Ed’s Aussie article, and (for the 8 people who haven’t seen it) the SNL cowbell sketch.

999 Letsby Avenue


DixonThis episode, my wife steps in to chat about the Queen’s big milestone, and what “knocking someone up” and “going potty” mean in the UK. Then I explain “999 Letsby Avenue” and other jokes that only Brits understand, and listener John Killey writes in, which gets us into motorcycle racing and cats without tails.

Oh: here’s the Isle of Man TT footage we were watching …